I swear, shit seems to happen to you at the worst possible moments in time. Not only did yesterday just suck a left nut, but I have nightmares about it. Then I wake up late for school, get ready, and go out to find that my car is dead. So I tell my mom, and she tries to jump it for me. And the car hood is stuck. So she gave me her car and I start driving down the road and realize the piece of shit is out of gas. Come back home, go to my room and slam the door. I'm tired of this shit...

Then she has to come up and give me a lecture over taking my medication. When she doesn't realize that these things happened to me while I was on the damn medication too. I don't even know why shit like this happens...

I found out that my grandpa had another stroke so she might be driving down there to Florida tomorrow. I don't think I can keep handling this. Son of a bitch, life really sucks...

It always pissed me off when people would tell you that life is what you make of it. And that things get better. Because those are the kind of people that have never been on the low side of the spectrum.

Another thing that bothers me is how my friends are so oblivious to things around them. Like how I tell them "I would have shot that person if they did that to someone I care about". And they know that I would, too. Yet, they don't seem to think that's a big deal. It's almost like I want them to help me, but they can't seem to see that I need it. And I'm not going to tell them because they have enough shit to deal with in their own lives.

I think that this is affecting my mom the most. She is the one losing all of the money that she spends trying to get me into college, pay for my therapy that I had to go through, and none of it is working.

If only I had a single wish right now, that I could make certain came true. I would wish I was dead and on my way to heaven right now, where I know that things would be better and nothing else in the world could go wrong. If only that would happen, maybe things would be better off that way.